A teint in poetry is more general than just complexion: shade, hue, coloration, tint.

Comme il est in the second line I don’t read as an intensifying “How it puts all the lilies to shame!” but as “Your teint brun, just as it is, puts all the lilies to shame” or “Your teint, brown though it is, puts all the lilies to shame.”

Éclat (here ésclat) is probably closest to “brilliance”.

The te in te voir des autelz seems like a complement for autelz. “The sky/heaven is not jealous to see altars to you.” On the same note, I think it’s an older, more austere meaning of adorer that’s meant here: “to worship” rather than “to adore”. (Compare “O Come Let Us Adore Him”.)

I think the translation of Void elle rien qui luy soit comparable by Has no equal loses something.

On the whole, it’s quite accurate, but once you’ve nailed down all the terminologies I suggest doing one or two more passes, perhaps even without continued reference to the French, with the intent of choosing idiomatic, poetic English phrases to capture those meanings. What’s poetic in French isn’t necessarily poetic in English in the same terms. (Maybe you already have that in mind and are just showing us the literal stage. If so, ignore my comment!)

For the same reason, trading “under the sky” for “under the sun” seems to me like the right choice, too.