With “se reconnaitre,” I’d use “en” with pronouns: “en lui”/”en eux”; but “dans” with nouns “dans cette personne”/”dans ces gens”.
Regardless, I think the negation of “s’entendre [très bien avec]” would best capture “don’t connect with” because frankly I often don’t connect well with people in whom I see [too much of] myself.
For the placement of “vraiment,” I’d put it instead after the “pas,” which I think better captures the nuance between “didn’t really” and “really didn’t” that I feel exists in English (and again, I’d probably prefer “s’entendre”: “Je ne me suis pas vraiment entendu [très bien] avec lui/eux).”
Here is a case where you could use reconnu
to render connection in a way a little bit different from the way you tought you could use it.
A retired father sees his son working in the farm, and it seems to him he is seeing himself as he was 30 years ago for example. The father would then say Je me suis reconnu en lui
. To give another illustration, a Shaolin monk accompanies his students to Paris Bercy Omnisport for a martial art demonstration and is amazed to see one of them perfom exactly as he would, he would say: je me suis reconnu en lui
Now for what you want to say, you may say Je ne me suis pas entendu avec lui
to say I did not connect with him and Je ne me suis pas entendu avec eux
for I did not connect with them. And you would say Je ne me suis pas vraiment entendu avec lui/eux
to say I did not really connect with them.
You can also say Je n'étais pas [vraiment] au diapason avec lui/eux
meaning we did not agree. You may also say Je n'étais pas [vraiment] en phase avec lui/eux
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